


An Empty Kind of Fate

by eclipsed (wasatch_97)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Car Accidents, Changbin is a good friend, M/M, Sad Ending, Sad Lee Minho | Lee Know, basically me being sad and taking it out on minsung, minsung - Freeform, sozzz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:20:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25009867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wasatch_97/pseuds/eclipsed
Summary: “Hyung,” Changbin trails off, staring at his friend. Minho’s eyes have become a dark matte color, the light that had once always sparkled in them gone. He’s lost so much weight that it’s apparent not only in his gaunt face, but also in the way his clothes hang off him, the green and white hoodie much too big for him even though it wasn’t always his to begin with. Changbin shakes his head, letting out a breath of air.“Stop pitying me, Bin,” Minho says, not looking up from his food.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know
Comments: 24
Kudos: 90
Collections: good shyt





	An Empty Kind of Fate

**Author's Note:**

> this is an ancient fic that i found and decided to revive heh,,,,,

Minho unlocks his apartment door and trudges into the small living room area, the forced movement making him feel like he’s underwater, fighting a current with feet made of lead. He dumps his bag on the ground and winces at the resulting clatter, but not stopping to check on his laptop as he turns to the door and shoves it closed, blocking the frigid gust of autumn air that had followed him all the way home from work. 

Shedding his coat and toeing off his shoes, Minho steps away from the door, and takes a moment to look around his apartment. It’s nothing less than a mess; there are clothes scattered about and piles of textbooks teetering on the coffee table. By the window there’s a broken vase that has been there for more than a month, glass shards sticking out of the carpet precariously. 

Minho throws his keys into the bowl designated for such on the dining room table, but misses, the metal clanking off the wood until the purple lanyard lands in a small heap on the floor. Minho laughs under his breath - he laughs at his keys, because he can’t find anything else to laugh at. It’s almost pitiful, really. 

Minho continues into the kitchen, passing by the pile of bills on the counter that always grows but never decreases. He opens the cabinets but knows what he’ll find - nothing. There hasn’t been proper food in the apartment for weeks, not since his time has been fully booked from his two jobs and college classes. 

Sighing, Minho ignores the pain in his stomach, like he has been doing for so long now, and sweeps some old takeout boxes his friends had dropped off days ago into the trash can. He wanders over to the old, creaky couch, and throws himself down on it, hiding his face against the stained cushion. 

He drops into a daze easily, the constant battle in his mind disappearing as exhaustion takes over his limbs, sneaking up through his veins until he’s floating - drifting between reality and the realm of dreams. He feels like he’s rocking - as if he’s on a ship, sailing on the calm sea. With a sigh, he lets himself fall.

_“I’m back,” Jisung sing-songs as he pushes open the apartment door, kicking it closed with his foot and just managing to set the takeout food on the table before he reaches out to catch Minho who flies towards him. “Missed me?”_

_Minho mumbles out a “No,” but smiles into Jisung’s neck, glad to have the boy’s arms around him again._

_“You did miss me, don’t fool yourself,” Jisung huffs, and before Minho can stop him he hooks an arm under Minho’s knees and back, and lifts him up._

_Minho screeches, clinging to Jisung as he spins them in a circle. “I’ll kill you,” he pants when Jisung slows down, “I swear I will.”_

_Jisung laughs, his eyes disappearing into his smile and Minho feels his heart melt. “Silly.”_

_Minho pouts as Jisung sets him down. “Says the guy who just spun me around like I’m a little kid.”_

_Jisung smiles again and Minho’s heart palpitates. He reaches out, grasping the sides of Minho’s hoodie and pulls him close again. “You’re wearing your glasses.”_

_Minho raises an eyebrow, “Weird transition but yeah, the contacts were hurting my eyes today.”_

_“We’re not matching, I don’t have mine on,” Jisung whines and Minho groans. “Also, I’m devastated, do you know how adorable you look right now?”_

_“You sound like a stan twitter kid,” Minho says, fighting a blush._

_Jisung chuckles, pinching Minho’s cheek, his expression not dropping even as Minho levels a glare at him. “You’re so cynical.”_

_“I’m not,” he says, slapping Jisung’s hand away._

_“You still are, but not as much as you were when we met,” Jisung replies, grinning at Minho. “I’d like to say I helped with that.”_

_“Yeah, well, you’re the one who fell in love with me,” Minho says, pushing his glasses up his nose. “You wouldn’t leave me alone after I joined that intro to early lit class as a TA that you took.”_

_“Who can blame me?” Jisung says. “You’re smart and sarcastic and unfairly beautiful.”_

_“You wouldn’t go away even after half a year of rejections,” Minho recounts, rolling his eyes. “Finally Hyunjin made me go on a date with you to shut you up-”_

_“And you fell in love with me,” Jisung finishes, a proud smile on his face._

_Minho sniffs. “Actually, I remember drenching you with my water glass because you were unnaturally creepy.”_

_“Hey,” Jisung whines, hands finding Minho’s._

_“I only realized you were just a dumbass dork when you knocked a deck of conversation topic cards out of your pocket,” Minho laughs, “and that made you more human. Not just the smart, talented, hot, and creepy froshie in my class.”_

_Jisung rolls his eyes. “And then we dated and you said you were only going out with me because I was the only guy who’s ever liked you. Which is a complete lie, there were a bunch of guys and girls after you but they can all go to hell,” Minho groans, letting their fingers tangle together. “And then on our two month anniversary you said you only went out with me because I was the only guy you ever thought you could love.”_

_“Shut up,” Minho says, the heat of a blush blooming along his cheeks._

_“No,” Jisung smiles, squeezing his hands, “I’ll never stop talking about the day Lee Minho said he loved me.”_

_Minho pulls away, turning to walk into the kitchen. “What’s for dinner?”_

_The air is knocked out of his lungs when Jisung hugs him from behind, arms tight around him. “Sung,” Minho wheezes, “let me go.”_

_“No,” Jisung whines, “I’m feeling super clingy right now and I don’t want to let you go yet because even if you’re a foot away it feels too far.”_

_Minho sighs, but his heart flips at his words and he wiggles around in Jisung’s arms to face him. “Han Jisung, I love you more than life itself and I’ll always be right here,” he whispers, meeting Jisung’s wide eyes while pressing a hand against his chest, over his heart. “But I’m starving because I didn’t have time to eat lunch today and I can smell gimbap, so right this second food trumps you.”_

_Before Jisung has a chance to respond Minho pulls out of his hold and darts into the kitchen, grabbing the bag of food from the table on the way by._

_“You can’t just say something like that and walk away!” Jisung says, flying into the kitchen and watching Minho eat out of the container. Minho smiles teasingly, raising an eyebrow as he chews. “I hate you,” Jisung sighs, but eventually grabs a pair of chopsticks and joins him._

_“I have to study,” Minho groans when dinner is finished and Jisung tries to pull him away from the table where their textbooks and computers lay. “You do too.”_

_Jisung shrugs, grabbing Minho by the waist, which makes him yelp. Minho glares up at him, opening his mouth to continue complaining but Jisung cuts him off with a kiss. The kiss is gentle at first, soft and careful, but then Jisung swipes his tongue against Minho’s bottom lip and it turns messy, bruising._

_“No,” Minho whines, hitting Jisung’s chest when the younger boy slips a hand under his hoodie, “I have work to do, I have classes early in the morning.”_

_“I’ll help you study later,” Jisung promises, sneaking his fingers underneath Minho’s shirt to rub circles into his skin._

_“But I won’t have the motivation later,” Minho mumbles, hands finding purchase on Jisung’s shoulders. “Sungie-”_

_“Why am I always shutting you up?” Jisung murmurs against Minho’s skin as he maps a trail of kisses along his neck._

_“Maybe I like egging you on,” Minho breathes, grinning cheekily at Jisung when he pulls back._

_Jisung rolls his eyes, pushing Minho until his back is pressing against the doorframe to their bedroom. “I take it you aren’t so keen on studying anymore?”_

_Minho grabs Jisung’s nape, tugging him close to kiss him with vigor. “If you’re going to fuck me you better make it worth my time,” he whispers, smiling when Jisung growls, making quick work of Minho’s hoodie and shirt. Breath catching in his throat as Jisung’s fingers explore the expanse of his abdomen, Minho lets himself be pulled into the bedroom._

“Minho. Minho-hyung.” 

Minho groans, rubbing at his eyes with the sleeve of his hoodie. He blinks up through the morning light at the visitor standing above him. “What’re you doing here?” 

Changbin rolls his eyes at the lack of a proper greeting. “I’m here to feed you,” he answers, gesturing to the fresh containers of food on the counter. “It looks like you haven’t had proper food in days.” 

Minho sits up, wincing as pain rips through his back from the terrible position he had slept in. “You know you do have a bedroom,” Changbin says and his voice is soft, like he’s scared Minho might bolt, “it would be easier on your body to sleep on a mattress.” 

Minho stands up and stretches his arms above his head. He ruffles his hair out of his eyes - his once light brown hair is growing out with his bangs now shading his eyes, and his natural black roots are growing in. “Too many memories.” 

“Hyung, you need to move out of this place. I know it hurts but being here is killing you,” Changbin says, his own sad eyes meeting Minho’s dull and tired ones.

Minho laughs dryly, walking to the counter and opening one of the containers. “Funny choice of words, Bin.” 

Changbin sighs, following the older boy. “Hyung, I didn't mean it like that. It’s just not healthy for you to be here by yourself, trying to cover all the hospital bills and rent while also having to handle university at the same time. After everything that has happened you deserve to rest. Please, just consider moving in with me?” 

Minho grabs a pair of chopsticks, not bothering to heat up the food as he digs into the rice. “I told you thank you for the offer, but I need to figure this out on my own. The rent’s a given and since his parents aren’t around I need to cover the other bills too. It’s not just a chore,” he purses his lips, poking at the rice. “It’s just something I need to do for him.” 

“Hyung,” Changbin trails off, staring at his friend. Minho’s eyes have become a dark matte color, the light that had once always sparkled in them gone. He’s lost so much weight that it’s apparent not only in his gaunt face, but also in the way his clothes hang off him, the green and white hoodie much too big for him even though it wasn’t always his to begin with. Changbin shakes his head, letting out a breath of air. 

“Stop pitying me, Bin,” Minho says, not looking up from his food. 

Changbin nods, biting his lip to force down tears. “I have to go to class, hyung, but I’ll come by later, okay?” 

Minho nods while stuffing more rice into his mouth and Changbin takes it as a cue to leave. 

_“Ah, hyung, hi!” Jisung greets, opening the door wide for Changbin. “Minnie is just setting up the table.”_

_“Hi,” Minho calls from the kitchen, sending a brief wave to Changbin before gesturing for Jisung to come closer. He loads up his arms with plates and silverware and sends him off to set the table. “How was your day, Binnie?”_

_Changbin follows Jisung to the table, sitting down at the place that was long ago declared his own. “It was okay, classes were a bore, my professor looked like he could fall asleep any minute. But how are you two doing?”_

_Minho grins, setting down the food, Jisung following him to the table soon after. “We’re doing well, we decided to take the day off from school and work since it’s our two year anniversary.”_

_“Oh shit, I forgot,” Changbin groans, hitting his forehead, “I would have brought a gift. But congratulations, you two!”_

_Jisung laughs, playing with Minho’s fingers as they balance their hands on the table. “Thanks, hyung. We wanted to have you over for dinner as a thanks for being the person who introduced us, and on top of that, being our best friend.”_

_Changbin laughs, “I’m glad I could be here with you both.”_

_“We’re glad too,” Minho responds, smiling over at him. “Now let’s eat!”_

_Changbin can’t help but grin as he watches the couple fight over food and tease each other, and at Jisung looking at Minho with so much love in his eyes as he clings to Jisung’s arm, chattering on about his day._

Minho yawns, stretching his arms before standing up from his seat in the lecture room. He files out of the university building and into the grounds, taking a steadying breath as he walks down the path towards the bus stop. The sun is still high, light bouncing off the pavement and highlighting the grass, a break from the gloomy days of autumn. 

He walks off the path and drops his backpack to the ground when he finds a clear spot. He lays down on the damp grass and closes his eyes as he soaks up the last rays of sun. 

_“Minho!”_

_Minho opens his eyes when a shadow falls over him, and looks up to see Jisung covering the sun, a large smile on his face. “You’re blocking the light,” Minho whines, waving a hand to get Jisung to move._

_Jisung drops to the ground next to him, resting his head on his hand as he lays on his side to study Minho. “What are you doing, sleeping on the grounds this early in the day?”_

_Minho closes his eyes, rolling to the side so he can bury his face in Jisung’s shirt. “I don’t know, I’ve just not been resting well. It’s like every time I fall asleep I feel like something is off, I don’t know how to explain it.” He feels Jisung play with his hair and he leans up into the touch. “I feel like something bad is going to happen.”_

_“Stop thinking about it,” Jisung urges, “everything’s fine. You need some sleep, love. Take a nap and we can go out for lamb skewers later.”_

_Minho giggles, “You just say that because you want lamb skewers. You don’t consider what I want to eat.”_

_He can feel the vibrations of Jisung’s laugh. “Maybe so, but either way you need some sleep. You’ve been looking pale.”_

_Minho hums while wrapping his arms around Jisung. “Then be quiet and you can be my human pillow.”_

_“Of course, that is my one goal in life.”_

_“Be quiet.”_

_More laughter._

Minho walks home after one of his late night shifts. The sun long gone from the sky, and the streetlamps map out his shadow onto the pavement and the foot of the buildings he passes. Minho breathes heavily, feeling exhaustion beginning to take him already, but a turbulent feeling in his chest brings him back to the present. He glances up as he comes to a intersection, and freezes when he finally realizes where his body has unconsciously taken him. 

_“Sungie, why are we taking a cab? They’re expensive,” Minho says quietly, “where are we going, and why are you wearing a suit jacket?”_

_“Somewhere special,” Jisung says, pressing a kiss to Minho’s hair. “Don’t worry about the money.”_

_“Please, tell me where you’re taking me,” Minho begs, but Jisung just smiles and rubs soothing circles onto the backs of his hands. Minho gives up, still pouting as he snuggles into Jisung’s side._

_He’s fiddling with the sleeve of Jisung’s black jacket and relaxing against the warmth of Jisung’s body while listening to him hum along to the radio one minute and then the next there is glass shattering, the feeling of being on a rollercoaster as the cab flips over, and Jisung’s strangled cry as the side of the car pushes in, the sharp, bent metal spearing his side._

_Absolute confusion._

Minho falls to the ground and lets out a sob, not processing the looks of the few people who are still out on the street at this hour. Trying to rein in his tears, he grits his teeth and stares up at the traffic lights, watching them flip between colors - go, slow, stop. Stop - the end of the chain.

_“Baby,” Minho pants, running to Jisung’s side as soon as he sees the stretcher being loaded into an ambulance. “Sungie, I’m here.”_

_Jisung looks up at him and Minho can hear his rough breathing, even with an oxygen mask strapped to his face. His eyes, the eyes that Minho loves so dearly, are so wide and scared, but Minho can’t do more than intertwine their fingers, trying not to get in the way of the paramedics as tears cloud his own vision. He can’t look down, not at where Jisung had been hit by the splintering metal door. There is so much blood._

_Too much._

_Jisung starts to cry, choked sobs, and the paramedics immediately tell him to calm down, but Minho knows Jisung is far past the point of being able to control his feelings. He’s terrified and in pain, and Minho can’t do anything to make it better. He can’t make it all go away. “Shh,” Minho whispers, kissing the boy’s forehead. “I’m here, love, I’m here.”_

_The message is clear in Jisung’s eyes._

_I’m afraid to die._

_But the message is clearer in the paramedic's eyes._

_Red, red blood, red light._

_Minho bites his lip hard and Jisung’s cheek with one hand, his other still caught in Jisung’s. “You know how much I love you, right?” He whispers, feeling Jisung’s heated skin under his hand. “I love you so much, Sungie, I love you from this world to the next.”_

_Jisung starts to tear up again Minho goes to comfort him, but a paramedic touches his shoulder. “We can remove the mask,” she says softly, turning away so that Jisung can’t see or hear the conversation. “He doesn’t have much time left, I’m sorry.”_

_Minho nods and his eyes are glassy as he watches the woman remove the oxygen mask. Jisung’s breathing is labored and his eyes are beginning to droop as he peers up at Minho._

_“Hey,” Minho whispers while touching his cheek that is wet with tears. “Hi, love.”_

_Jisung’s eyes are tired and glazed as he tries to open his mouth to form words, but Minho shushes him. “You don’t have to say anything, love.”_

_“P-Pocket,” Jisung manages to croak out and Minho’s hands instantly cradle his face. He looks around at the paramedics and a man hands him Jisung’s jacket. With one hand he searches the pockets, the other still resting on Jisung’s cheek, keeping them grounded to each other. Eventually his fingertips find velvet and he pulls out a small box._

_“Jisung,” he whispers in shock, staring down at the boy, “what?”_

_“L-love you Min,” the boy pants out, his eyes nearly closing._

_“Baby, stay awake a little longer,” Minho murmurs, trying to keep his voice from quivering. “We’re almost there, so just hold on.”_

_One corner of Jisung’s lips raises, “Are y-you being opt-optimistic?”_

_Minho lets out a breathy laugh, tears clouding his vision, “Maybe. I can change for you, Sungie, I c-can be optimistic for you. Anything for you.”_

_“Then t-tell me i-it’ll st-stop soon, M-Minnie,” Jisung whispers, fingers loosening their hold on Minho’s hand. A tear rolls down his cheek and Minho is quick to wipe it away while he feels his heart begin to crumble. “Tell m-me it w-won’t hurt an-anymore.” Another tear. “Min, I’m scared.”_

_“It’ll be over soon,” Minho says, his voice drowned out by silent cries. He squeezes Jisung’s hand, his palm still flush with Jisung’s cheek. “It won’t hurt.”_

_Jisung moves his head the slightest bit to press against Minho’s hand. “Minnie, pr-promise m-me so-something?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_Jisung is struggling to keep his eyes open, barely able to look up at Minho. “D-Don’t bl-blame yourself, b-but if y-you do, d-do it on-only for a l-little while. But remember f-for a l-long ti-time.”_

_Minho’s sob isn’t silent this time and he holds onto Jisung’s hand desperately as he cries. “I promise, Sungie.”_

_Jisung hums brokenly, and Minho watches as his eyes slip closed._

_“No, no, Jisung you can’t do this to me,” Minho cries, squeezing their hands, choking on tears when Jisung’s hands fall lax in his own. “Jisung, stay with me!”_

_“Check his pulse,” Minho hears a paramedic say, followed by an, “I’m sorry,” and “time of death, 21:43.”_

_Minho collapses forward, body shielding Jisung’s face as he sobs into his dark hair. “I love you,” he whispers, tears welling up and spilling from his eyes. The feeling of Jisung’s damp cheeks and his own tears against Jisung’s neck burns into his skin._

_Minho doesn’t remember much from that night, only how he was eventually forced away from Jisung’s body and into the awaiting arms of a ghostly pale Changbin._

_That night reeked of tears and death and lost love._

Minho shakes, covering his mouth with his hands as he sobs.

_He didn’t sleep that night; he didn’t sleep for many nights. First came disbelief which quickly turned to anger. He screamed his pain for hours, crying out “Why was it not me?” until his voice was hoarse and throwing everything he touched, his hands bloody from glass shards. He couldn’t stop himself, even when Changbin tried to stop him, until he was panting, spread out on the floor._

_And then Minho fell silent. He stared at pictures tacked up on their apartment walls, bandaged hands resting in his lap as he sat, not speaking, for days._

_He became a shell of who he once was, his silence lasting until the day Changbin found him on the bathroom floor, razor blade in hand. Changbin had knocked it away before the damage could be done and wrapped his arms around Minho as he begged, sobbing, to let him end his life._

_And then Minho felt guilt. Guilt ate him alive; the guilt of hurting his friends by giving up on life and the guilt of being the cause of Jisung’s death._

_But, even with his emotions a tumbled mess of self-loathing, anger, and utter sadness he lived. Because that is what Jisung would have wanted._

_But why is it so hard?_

Minho jolts from the memories his body wracking with shivers as he kneels on the pavement, rain beginning to mix with the tears that had fallen. He pulls at his hoodie sleeve to expose his left hand and stares down at the ring, the light from the streetlamps bouncing off the glittering diamond. 

“How cruel fate is to us,” Minho whispers, the gem only twinkling in response.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://wasatch-97.tumblr.com/)
> 
> [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/eclipse.134340/?hl=en)


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